Goodbye.

I nolonger have the desire to blog, especially in this forum.

So much has happened to me while I have written this blog.

Some of it has been quite amazing, a lot of it very tragic. Right now I want to let this person go.

I am reworking the old Adelle.

Let me finish the story, because I hate it when movies end with lose ends, although as an adult I know that life doesn’t wrap everything up in a nice package.

Willett my husband, moved back in. We started by just hanging out together and not sleeping together just hanging out together. It was great and I am a little sad that the situation forced us to take another path.

We could have really used the opportunity to just see each other as lovers first, but we are now back to being husband and wife.

It is hard for both of us. We are required to have a level of emotional honesty and emotional awareness that is hard to maintain. We are both very drained.

My life and Willett’s is focussed on our relationship, it is our number one priority. Which is the way it should be. We are going to counselling and it has been very good. No more taking my marriage for granted. No more assuming it is strong and perfect. It might be the worlds most broken relationship, but it is my relationship and I think it is wonderful. I can have other relationships that might be easier, but I want this one. I want to be with Willett and the reason why is so hard to explain. It isn’t that he is perfect, but maybe he is just the one for me. No one else evokes the feeling I get from him. The words for better or worse spring to mind.

I hope that it will become easier with time, that we develop healthier habits that become natural and easy, just like when you change your diet to something healthier. At first you may not like celery and carrots, but if you stick with it, you will soon love the taste and maintaining the healthy way of eating isn’t too hard.  You may even find the thing you find hardest to give up you don’t have to at all, because dark chocolate is apparentally really good for you.

But I have no energy for anything else. Not blogging or uni or anything.

I haven’t given up on everything though, I still have plans. I have dropped down to a partime load at uni, but I will return next year and I will finish my degree.

I have cocooned myself from the world, but I am starting to peek outside again. I am still really afraid, of so many things. Of people’s judgement, of my own. So I go back to my cocoon and work on myself and my marriage.

I will probably start a new blog one day, hopefully a happy one. I keep wishing for a life without drama, which is hilarious because that is how I felt when I started this blog. Perhaps I need to admit that for people like me drama is just a way of life. Not that I choose to have drama, but the more I avoid it, the worse it becomes.

Anyway life goes on. I am a woman whose marriage needs lots of work, a mother of two beautiful boys and a partime student in electrical engineering. I wonder what I will be next?

Bye.